Letting Conflicts Go Unresolved Only Prolongs The Inevitable And Is Not In Your Favour!
I have found that thousands of happily married successful
couples some of whom have been married for 40 years and some even much longer
than that, have persistent unresolved issues, unresolved issues that they have been
fighting about and trying to resolve for decades.
Meanwhile many of the unsuccessful couples insisted on resolving
everything because they believed that there should be no disagreement or any
type of conflict between them.
True Love Is A
Process!
People like to fantasize about “true love.” But if there is such a
thing, it requires us to sometimes accept things we don’t like.
Successful couples accept and understand that some conflict is
inevitable and that there will always be certain things they don’t like about
their partners or things they don’t agree with and that this is fine.
You don’t need to feel the need to change somebody or make them
into an ideal that is okay for you in order to love them.
And you shouldn’t let some disagreements or little quarrels here
and there get in the way of what is otherwise a happy and healthy relationship.
The truth is, trying to resolve a conflict can sometimes create
more problems than it fixes.
Some battles are simply not worth fighting and sometimes the
most optimal relationship strategy is one of “live and let live.”
Moving On From Conflict!
Your emotions and feelings are your responsibility just like
your partner’s emotions and feelings are theirs. It’s up to you to make take
care of your emotions and manage your feelings, same for your partner or
partners.
You cannot manage another person’s emotions and feelings
irrespective of whatever narrative your mind tells you to justify that action,
same for your partner.
Each has the responsibility to make themselves happy and manage
the expectations placed on their emotions and feelings and that placed on their
partners.
But “it’s my responsibility” doesn’t mean “I have to deal with
it all on my own.” Since you are responsible for yourself and not for another,
the onus falls on you to take care of your feelings and always manage your
expectations from another whoever they may be to you.
Whether your feelings are rational or not, you have a right to
voice them and to be heard with compassion, provided again you have them
managed and under control.
Many times a partner would fly into an uncontrollable rage
because the other partner wasn’t behaving as expected, or because things were
not going as expected.
Manage Your Expectations!
But when you manage your expectation, you can always stay on top
of the game, so whether your partner is behaving as expected or not, you
haven’t placed your emotions and feelings in their care so they cannot control
how you feel.
You are in touch with the deepest core of yourself and remained
grounded as you express your emotions and feelings caring less about how your
partner relates to them.
You come across as strong and in control of yourself and this
will definitely bring your partner to a stop in their tracks and force them to
pay attention to whatever you are saying.
They will without an atom of doubt truly listen to you as they
are caught up in the magnetic energy you radiate of joy and peace and be sucked
into the vortex of love.
They will then following you, see whatever it is you want them
to see and hear whatever it is you want them to hear and react accordingly with
the right and proper conduct and solution.
Women are often accused of being hysterical or unreasonable when
they express feelings and it’s a common way for their partners to justify not
listening when a woman says how she feels.
Your Partner Is Just
Like You!
They seem to forget that a woman is carved out to love and her
energy radiates love and care for her loved ones, she may sometimes go
overboard depending on if she is in control of her feelings and emotions at
that time.
The male on the other hand is taught by society that
“Vulnerability is a weakness” which is really a false concept. It is only
propagated to show the male as the strong and dominant specie and the female as
the weak one.’
Nothing could be further from the truth than this falsehood.
When you show your true emotions (instead of your vain machoism
that society trains you to exhibit), you release negative energy stored inside
you that not only affects your emotional and mental health but also your
overall physical health.
Why put yourself through such unnecessary agony when you can
easily voice it out and be done with it and get back your grove.
Moreover, most females would truly love a man that they can
relate with and who can show them how they are feeling while at the same time,
listen to them and really tune into them and their feelings.
It’s worth having a
conversation about what you want when you express feelings: solutions,
commiseration, just a listening ear?
A true loving and
caring partner would listen to you all the long and genuinely want your
happiness more than anything else.
A caring partner will
want to learn how to respond to your feelings in ways that help you feel
better. They would want to be the one to wipe away your tears and make you
smile again and truly be happy.
So whatever it is you
desire in a relationship, be prepared to reciprocate same to your partner but
most importantly be ready to truly and really be in the relationship with your
partner.
This includes being
into their likes and dislikes, happiness and joy, emotions and feelings and
generally everything about them and that way you can truly manage and resolve
all conflicts.
I
would love to hear from you or your thoughts on this post, please drop us a
line.
In
closing, i believe the wisdom below will serve you in life:
“Thank
you God, for this beautiful day today. Help me to always see your love
reflected in each and every moment, no matter how challenging life may be.
Remind me to always look to my heart for the LESSONS and BLESSINGS in life”.
Jean
Voice Dart!
These
words of Inspirations from the enlightened ones will serve you even more:
“I
wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light
of your own being”.
Hafiz
“Within
you is the light of a thousand suns, within you is unimaginable beauty”.
Robert
Adam
“Don’t
you know it yet, it is your light that illuminates the worlds”.
Rumi
“I
am the light of the world. You are the light of the world”.
Jesus
“Your
heart is the light of the world, don’t cover it with your mind”.
Mooji
Taking
responsibility and recognizing that we cause all of our core issues is not a
reality for most people.
Taking
responsibility to see life differently without justification, judgement and
blame, rejection or anxiety, fear or anger would really help you in the long
run.
Every
condition, disease or disorder is a spiritual condition that has come up for
review and to be dealt with and taken care of. Once the lesson is truly learnt
and absorbed, the conditions or situation reverses itself and clears out and
that’s when we say a healing has occurred and a miracle has happened.
Every
problem preludes a negative thought and mindset so watch your thoughts and
emotions carefully and guard them jealously.
Nothing
can stop you if you have the courage, commitment and the discipline to move
through your limitations.
‘Let
yourself be drawn by the stronger pull of that which you truly love’
The
purpose of life is to discover who you really are, know and create yourself and
experience yourself as who you really are (not the body that houses you) as a
part of the divine source to give and receive love and serve all creatures of
the divine.
As
long as you don’t or you refuse to see yourself as a victim then life becomes a
challenge that you can overcome with commitment and consistent work and it will
pay you back handsomely.
A
lesson you avoided in a past life will be forwarded to the current life until
you get the lesson right or understood the reason for it. Each time the lesson
is more intense, than the last experience until you recognize it.
This
is an interactive universe where we all work together in each other’s lessons
and life whether we want it or not or whether we are aware of it or not.
Our
fears always surface when we least expect it and when it does, its better to
face the lesson and conquer it.
You
can take back control of your life and drive it the way you would rather want
it to be and have things and have things the way you want it to be.
It
takes taking responsibility for all the wrongs that have happened in your life
because whether you agree or not, you are held responsible for all your:
1. THOUGHTS
2. WORDS
3. ACTION
Nobody
wants to listen to your cry of wolf or denial or victim mentality and it won’t
take you far except you sit still, take stock of your life and determine and
desire to turn it around and that’s where and when the answers or solutions
come in.
If
and when you are now truly ready to take back control and look out for the
patterns and lessons in your life to understand the mind aberrations that are
causing your problems and have taken control of your life.
That’s
when the creative centers open within and you can finally have the tools to
help you change the course of your life and manifest your destiny.
To
succeed in life, you must refuse to see yourself as a loser no matter what the
prevailing situation or condition might be and you evaluate what you can do to
succeed.
The
most important qualities are self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence and
that you understand that you are entitled to abundance in your life.
You
can do anything you want to and be anything you want to, provided you believe
that it is possible.
Victims
do not hold that belief!
So
ask yourself – are you a victim?
Sometimes
a little help from a Therapist or Mental Health Consultant like myself and a
host of others can help guide you on this journey into an amazing life that is
yours and yours only.
Remember
if you have questions or need further clarification, please contact me on the
email and phone numbers listed below:
francherbalandmakeover@gmail.com
+234
9035143577
+234
8026634753
Or
chat me up on WhatsApp on:
+234
9035143577
+234
8026634753
You can join us on our Facebook page
and group @francherbal
You can message us on WhatsApp at
https://wa.me/message/QTKUXHPZ3GDJJ1
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